All Hail the Great Chocolate Phallus: the Ultimate Diet Aid

This ad for Boost chocolate bars is one of the most bizarre sights I have beheld in some time.  Are these nubile gals and muscle bound guys worshipping some great chocolate phallus?  The object in question might just as easily be interpreted as a giant turd.  The fawning, adoring looks on their faces as they stroke the firm brown shaft is so comical; I almost lost control of my car more than once while driving past a billboard bearing this image.

You can keep diet pills and laxatives.  Seeing this image for any length of time would have to be the ultimate diet aid.  It will be a long time before I even look at a chocolate bar again, let alone eat one.

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The Kinky Side of Mad Men

As the story unfolds in the hit drama Mad Men, we begin to notice that Don Draper has something of a kinky side, even if this is only hinted at.  In one episode in series 2, Don and Betty stay in a hotel and Betty dresses in sexy black lingerie prior to making out.  Betty Draper is completely vanilla; wearing black undies and suspenders is as kinky as she gets.  Despite Betty's attempt to please her husband and perhaps do something to save their ailing marriage, Don can't rise to the occasion and the lovemaking is a flop.  Perhaps this explains Don's philandering; Betty, despite being an undeniably hot package is tragically straight and can never satisfy Don's rather more adventurous sexuality.

In season 3 episode 1, Don allows himself to be seduced by an air stewardess.  The girl is a bit of an air head and Don assumes a false identity to ensure discretion.  After she undresses she says "Your turn."  Don replies: "Not yet." Don is enjoying the power relationship; admiring her nudity while remaining clothed and in control.  Evidently, Don Draper enjoys playing the dom.  In keeping with Mad Men's sophistication and style, the sex which takes place after the pictured scene is left to the viewer's imagination, but we can safely surmise that a good old fashioned spanking is in order before cutting the young lady loose.

In season 4, episode one, the now single Don Draper has been engaging the services of a call girl.  During sex he asks her to slap him.  "I know what you want" she says.  "Harder..." is his reply.  Don's masochism is typical of many who are in positions of leadership and control in their careers.  Being constantly in control is tiring; assuming a passive and submissive role in a sexual relationship becomes a titillating inversion.The masochism is not so much about enjoying pain but of the gratification that comes with humiliation and submission.

Many take these fetishes to extremes and can't enjoy sex at all unless there is at least some sado-masochistic element involved.  However, I doubt we'll see Don Draper dressing up in diapers any time soon; that look just isn't consistent with the Mad Men style.  Not even Don Draper could carry that one off.  As far as sadomasochism goes, it would seem Don is one of those rare creatures who swings both ways.  Which direction he favours most remains to be seen.

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Burka Banned, Why Not Nun's Habits?

An armed robbery allegedly carried out by a man wearing a burka has sparked a row in Australia on whether the full-face Islamic veil should be banned. Several European countries have also debated banning the veil, notably France and more recently, Belgium.
Source: BBC News

As this debate escalates, I have to wonder if anyone has noticed that a Muslim woman wearing a veil is not so different in appearance to a nun habit? A full burka may hide a little more but apart from covering the face a nun's habit is essentially the same garment. I can remember the first time I saw women wearing full burkas and finding it a little confronting. We are supposed to be a tolerant and accepting society and feeling like this soon pass. If the current bans are based on security concerns; terrorists may wear burkas but why could they not just as easily dress as nuns to the same effect? I can't remember hearing anyone calling for bans on the wearing of nun's habits. By the same token; brides also wear veils; perhaps bridal veils should also be banned?


I also have to wonder whether Sarkosy is aware of the irony of a ban on women covering up too much when his own wife, Carla Bruni has been guilty on several occasions of not covering up enough.
Isn't there enough ill feeling between East and West already? Security may give authorities excuses to restrict a great many things but can't we at least retain the freedom to decide what we wear?

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Blogging: the poison pen

While discussing internet trends, a work colleague said: “have you seen all these blogs; they can say just anything! It’s terrible!” I of course admitted that I too was a blogger, and that I too say just about anything. While there may be problems associated with a democratisation of media, the pros far outweigh the cons.

As the established media struggles to deal with the transition to online publication, an ever expanding army of bloggers relentlessly pumps out material that was once the exclusive domain of professional journalists. While some of the material may be erroneous, poorly researched, biased, or plagiarised the same indictment could be levelled at many professionals.

Professional journalists are no strangers to bias and have been often guilty of plagiarism or using dubious or misquoted sources. While professional journalists may have more highly developed writing skills than the average blogger, anyone who has watched the ABC TV’s Media Watch program would have chuckled at many examples of journalistic ineptitude and malpractice. Media Watch has highlighted many examples of items masquerading as news which are little more than blatant advertisements. Journalists are also bound by editorial policy and the interests of advertisers and shareholders.

Bloggers of course are influenced by no such constraints. Are the views of a professional journalist any more valid that those of anyone else? While a certain proportion of the blogosphere may include dubious material, there is undoubtedly a great deal that is worthwhile and interesting. Anyone with a connection can now easily publish their views to a mass audience; this would seem the ultimate expression of free speech.

The final responsibility comes down to the user. A vast increase in information also increases the need to use that information wisely, cross reference and read between the lines. In this respect, nothing has really changed; you can’t believe everything you read.

the netnanny state

The Australian government is planning to introduce internet filtering at the ISP level. This will make the internet up to 87% slower, more expensive, and will accidentally block up to one in 12 legitimate sites, while missing the vast majority of inappropriate content. Anyone who has worked in a government department behind an overly aggressive firewall will know what this is like: incredibly frustrating, inefficient and largely unworkable.

The government will allow users the opportunity to 'opt out' of the scheme, although they obviously won't have the option to opt out of the slow connections and increased cost. The average user has no desire to view offensive material on the net, but then, definitions of what constitutes offensive material varies widely. (e.g. the recent Bill Henson scandal/fiasco). This draconian proposal by the government is an insult to the average user's intelligence.

The government obviously thinks people are incapable of making responsible decisions for themselves. If they did they might offer users the opportunity to opt in to such a scheme, rather than making them opt out. This is a flagrant and ill conceived attack on civil liberties and personal freedom.

Australian internet connections may soon be like Ned Flander's cable TV: 99 channels and all blocked except the weather... okely dokely? NO!

Sign the getup.org petition to Communications Minister Senator Conroy, against "draconian government restrictions on the internet that will hold back the digital economy and miss the vast majority of unwanted content."

Miss Naked Beauty: Judgement of Gok

Miss Naked Beauty purports to promote the cause of ‘real women’. It’s contestants are supposedly vying for the opportunity of being ambassadors for ‘natural beauty’ and the idea that a woman doesn’t have to be young and thin to be beautiful; in the winner’s immortal words (in fact, I think all the girls said it) everyone is beautiful. We are invited to believe that the winners of this reality TV contest will form the grass roots of a movement in defiance of the odious fashion industry, which incessantly promotes impossible ideals of feminine beauty.

Do the women who flock to view this contest, and the millions more who tune in to it on TV really imagine that the fashion industry is going to start showing their latest Spring collection on the Paris catwalks with models that look like the contestants? Miss Naked Beauty is in actual fact just as exploitative as any other beauty contest. The bikini and nude sections which are presented as a means of forcing the contestants to accept their own unadorned ‘natural beauty’ are just an excuse for an exercise in voyeurism.

After the humiliating process of elimination it’s really quite sad (and really quite pathetic) to see the final two contestants putting their hearts and souls into their final speeches. They truly do seem to believe in the cause that has been so shamelessly sold to them by Channel 4 and the incredibly creepy Gok Wan.

Miss Naked Beauty has put a new spin on the reality TV formula but don't be fooled; the bottom line is not social justice but only this: you don't have to be beautiful to be a sex object.

Breasts : does size matter?

It is undeniable that to some men, size really does matter and the bigger the better. The inventor of soft porn, Russ Meyer was evidently obsessed with highly well endowed women such as Helen 'kitten' Natividad and Pandora Peaks. Meyer's trashy 60s movies like UltraVixens made an art form of the over sized booby, and these were all natural; no surgical enhancement here.

Similarly, Howard Hughes also harboured a large breast fetish. He was so obsessed with Jane Russell's breasts he custom designed bras for her. In the 1930s, the torpedo look was in vogue, and Hughes bra was designed to enhance this effect without showing a trace of nipple. It didn't really work and Russell attained the same effect by putting tissue paper inside a standard bra.

These guys are however, the exception rather than the norm. Hughes in particular had a bizarre relationship with his mother and his breast fetish is very likely an expression of this. In my experience, size really doesn't matter to most guys.

Put a pair of boobs in front of a guy and he is biologically incapable of ignoring them, no matter what size, no matter how many he's seen before.

a cautionary tale

Caution: do not swallow chewing gum before an aerobics class...

Contemporary art goes down the gurgler

"I Give You All My Money" by Scottish Artist Cathy Wilkes

A naked mannequin draped in horsehoes sitting on a toilet is one of several art works nominated for Britain's Turner Prize this year. Scotland-based Cathy Wilkes, who has also positioned a mannequin with her head in a bird cage in the work, is one of four artists nominated for contemporary art's most prestigious prize at London's Tate Britain museum. Brisbane Times

Photos: the nominees

Also on display are old porridge bowls and a clip from The Simpsons cartoon. There is sculpture, installations and film – but no figurative painting. What would the great Joseph Mallord William Turner (for whom the prize is named) have thought? Very little one would imagine; he's likely to be furiously turning in his grave. The Turner Prize has established a reputation for pushing the boundaries and usually manages to spawn outrage and debate on what constitutes art. The questionable merits of this year's nominees beg a larger question: is this the end of Western Art?

Over the last 20 to 30 years, western modern art has become increasingly obscure and inaccessible. It has seemed to deliberately alienate the general public and to become increasingly elitist. Only an exclusive circle of dilettantes pretend to understand what the contemporary art scene is all about and it has become all but irrelevant to the average person.

After the second world war, the old order having ground itself into the ground due to the ravages of two world wars, the epicentre of the 'art scene' moved from Paris to New York. Abstract Expressionism established itself as the new cutting edge with artists like Pollock, Rothko and De Kooning the new messiahs. This change coincided with the establishment of America as the new super power.

Due to the current economic crisis, America now stands to fall off the pedestal as a super power. Just as China seems set to assume the mantle as the new super power, an explosion in creative energy has come from the Chinese contemporary arts after years of isolation. The centre of creative innovation is shifting inexorably eastwards.

Works like Wilkes "I Give You All My Money" can hardly even claim to be original; Marcel Duchamp exhibited a toilet bowl (Fountain) as early as 1917. A naked mannequin on a toilet is a fitting death knell for western contemporary art.

Men on a leash: reverse sexism?

Several years ago a passing trend emerged in advertising; using sexualised images of men. In 2002, Voodoo produced an ad featuring a woman in a mini-skirt "walking" two naked men wearing collars - an image strangely prescient of the prison abuse images which have come out of Iraq. Is there such thing as reverse sexism? Who cares, as long as it creates a controversy that generates sales.

Voodoo's "men-on-leash" ad generated about 60 complaints to the Advertising Standards Bureau. All were dismissed. The ABS apparently appreciated the humour, reasoning: "This ad clearly intends to depict a tongue-in-cheek view of the well accepted right of a woman to be in control of her choices and her 'accessories'."

Censors in England were not so open minded. A very similar ad showed Jerry Hall holding men on a leash with the tagline: "Twelve get trained, only one gets kept". The ad was banned by London Underground Rail on grounds that it "breaches our advertising code relating to the depiction of men, women and children as sexual objects." A series of bans also saw the ad removed from television.

The fact that this kind of ad was only a passing fad indicates that they do not resonate with women and are not effective advertising. In fact, they probably attract more of a response from men. Is this kind of image offensive and exploitative? Clearly advertisers could not get away with using women in the same way. An image of a man walking naked women on a leash would certainly create an outcry. However, considering the rarity of this kind of image in mainstream advertising, they can be seen as redressing the imbalance to some extent.

There is never a shortage of advertising using exploitative images of women. Putting the boot on the other foot certainly makes commuting a great deal more interesting.

Palin: a pit bull in a bikini

Of course this photo of Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin has been digitally altered, but it does outline what she stands for to at least some extent. Fake bikini pics of Sarah seem to be all the rage at the moment. Her popularity as an object of desire has been compared to that of ex British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. Many of 'the iron maiden's' political colleagues expressed that they thought Maggie was a nice piece of crumpet. Her one-time junior minister, the late philanderer and diarist Alan Clark, was an admirer of Thatcher's "pretty ankles", Francois Mitterand described Thatcher as having "the eyes of Caligula and the voice of Marilyn Monroe" and Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi called her "una bella gnoccha"; roughly translated, it means "a nice piece of pussy". Does the attraction to strong and powerful women indicate a desire to be dominated in otherwise ultra conservative men? The intricacies of the conservative psyche are probably too distasteful to dwell on in any depth, but Sarah Palin has certainly made a splash and is rapidly attaining 'sex symbol' status.

By choosing Palin as a running mate, John McCain has truly nailed his colours to the mast. Palin is pro guns, pro death penalty and 'pro life'. Despite his calls for change, no one can now be in any doubt as to what kind of change McCain is likely to support. A McCain presidency would certainly usher in an even more conservative regime with stronger ties to the religious right. 'Pro life' is of course a euphemism for 'anti abortion'. These platforms seem to present an anomaly but are of course cornerstones of religious conservatism. If you are 'pro life', how can you support the death penalty or less control over gun lovers? How can 'pro life' campaigners justify attacks or even assassination of medical staff at abortion clinics? Exponents such as Palin would probably direct us to the good book for answers; all life is sacred yet the 'eye for an eye' principle still prevails.

The outcome of policies like these have obvious outcomes; unwanted children are brought into the world courtesy of pro life policies, only to suffer abusive, deprived childhoods. They progress to delinquent teen years and avail themselves of firearms thanks to pro gun policies, only to find themselves on death row facing the death penalty. The pro lifers can then be satisfied that justice has been done and that God's will has prevailed.

Palin's description of herself as 'a pit bull with lipstick' needs to be taken more seriously than she perhaps intended.

Olympic porn

dancers perform at the women's beach volleyball gold medal match

Just what is the fascination with athletes in skimpy costumes, posing nude for magazines etc. etc. all about? There are surely much more explicit pornographic images all over the internet. Just why are pictures like these so popular? It's about the context of course. We somehow associate the Olympics with ideals of 'athletic purity'. Seeing semi dressed or nude athletes is all the more titillating because it seems at odds with what the games are supposed to be all about. The nature of the games have definitely changed, women's beach volleyball being the prime example. At one time, any involvement with professional sport meant instant ineligiblity for the Olympics. Women's beach volleyball, with it's skimpy bikinis, rock music between points and sexy dancers is about as commercial as sport can be. After all; who really watches it for the sport?

The average man must see thousands of naked women in any given year, either in pictures or in the flesh, yet he is physically incapable of ignoring the possibility of seeing more. Many spend almost every spare moment persuing tits and ass and never seem to be able to get enough.

Testosterone is a highly potent chemical, and driven by this force men will completely irrational things. Many women understand this and have turned putting it to their advantage into lucrative careers. Most of us are not complaining.

May the force be with you...

Restoring Olympic Traditions

Posing nude for the cameras is a trend gaining increasing popularity with athletes. Four German Olympic sportswomen: sailor Petra Niemann, hockey striker Katharina Scholz, canoeist Nicole Reinhardt and judo fighter Romy Tarangul have posed for German Playboy, joining a host of other stars like Amanda Beard using nudity in the name of a cause. British triple jumper Phillips Idowu , British cyclist Rebecca Romero and Scottish swimmer Gregor Tait have also bared all for an advertising promotion. Why shouldn’t they? Their bodies are beautiful and judging by public reaction the majority aren’t complaining. If the Olympic movement can turn it’s back on it’s purist, amateur tradition and go all out for big bucks, why can’t athletes flaunt their sexuality?

Why not then take the whole thing a step further and revive the ancient tradition of staging the entire Olympic games nude? In the ancient Olympics, of course only men competed, but surely that rule could also be relaxed. Nude Olympics would boost television ratings into the squillions and arguments over discrimination with beach volleyball uniforms would be put to bed forever.

In ancient times, the ideal for male athletes was the possession of a small, uncircumcised penis. Circumcised athletes tried to conform to the fashion using the painful procedure of epispasm to restore the foreskin. If this ancient Olympic tradition was restored, this might also be a problem for many male athletes. After all, who wants an unfashionable penis? Circumcision features in this list of the top 10 bizarre surgical procedures.

Debate still rages over the benefits or otherwise of this form of mutilation. Dr Karl Kruszelnicki commented that saying a circumcised penis functioned better was akin to saying an eye functions better without an eyelid. Whatever the health benefits of genital mutilation, one could certainly object on aesthetic grounds.

The Door in the Floor

In this excerpt from the movie ‘The Door in the Floor’, Mimi Rogers who plays an artist’s model poses nude for Jeff Bridges, a sculptor. What is interesting about this scene is the completely impersonal relationship between the two people. Usually nudity implies some kind of intimacy in a relationship, but quite the opposite is the case here. This is as it should be between an artist and model where the pursuit is beauty in art rather than sexuality, although it’s hard to deny that some sexual element always exists. The very fact that the relationship between the two is so detached and impersonal serves to increase the sexual tension. The slight look of pained embarrassment on Roger’s face as she disrobes further increases the tension.

The fact that Rogers is not a young woman but still manages to be very sexy and the way the artist manipulates the platform to position her, treating her very much like an object is also interesting. In a way it serves as a metaphor for the relationship between all men and women; the male active and the female passive and devoid of personality. Judging by the number of women who eagerly pose for the camera, women enjoy this kind of attention and find it flattering. This only perpetuates inequality.

Wife's eBay Revenge

lover's knickers and empty condom packet for sale on eBay

A woman who caught her (soon to be ex) husband cheating is selling his lover's underwear and a used condom packet on eBay. After coming home unexpectedly and noticing a suspicious sms she found her husband reluctant to allow her into the bedroom. In the bedroom she found a pair of knickers and an empty condom packet.

» view the eBay page & read the wife’s full story

As the couple hadn’t used condoms for years he needed a fast explanation. ”I dropped my phone down the toilet, I didn't want to put my hands down there and I could't get it out with the toilet brush so I used a condom because I couldn't find any rubber gloves...” is what he came up with. To explain the knickers he explained that he had been a closet transvestite for years and had been meaning to tell her.

The evidence has been posted on eBay with the title: “EMPTY CONDOM PACKET & A PHOTO OF 'THE TART'S' KNICKERS FOUND IN OUR BED AFTER A TWO TIMING LOW LIFE'S AFFAIR.” Bids for these items are now over $11,000 with over 200,000 page views. A flood of supportive comments have been posted to the sellers’ page.

While exposing your husband to world wide ridicule and humiliation like this might seem just a tad extreme; you really have to question the husband’s judgment. If you do have to cheat at least have the sense not to do it in your own home in your own bed. If you must use your own bed, have the sense to remove the incriminating evidence. Furthermore, when you are caught, you might as well admit your crimes. After the ridiculous excuses given, who can blame this woman? Good for her and he deserves all he gets.

Short Skirt Scandal

short skirt scandal

In a story entitled 'Woman booted from shopping centre over skimpy dress' the Daily Telegraph felt compelled to post a gallery of completely unrelated pictures of women in short skirts just in case readers had forgotten what they looked like.

» view the gallery

A woman in a short skirt was asked to leave a suburban shopping centre by security guards when they decided her skirt was too short. According to the Telegraph "The story has opened up a barnstorming debate over the issues of having freedom to dress how you like versus the potential of offence to others..."

Does the Telegraph really think they are kidding anyone? Stories like this are much more about grauitous titillation than any kind of serious debate.

Australian Beauty

Two naked women cavorting in a bath to promote a new art gallery have drawn fire from a family group.

Peak-hour motorists have been treated to the nightly spectacle for the past week to advertise an exhibition at the Joshua Levi Galleries, titled Naked New York, the Courier Mail reports. The exhibition by world-renowned artist Tracey Keller and featuring 25 original acrylic paintings on linen depicting naked women in various poses, has reignited controversy about artistic freedom following the recent Bill Henson furore . In the stunt, two apparently naked women take a bath together and separately from 5pm to 7pm in the gallery's window, in candle-lit scenes reminiscent of those made famous by Mena Suvari in the movie American Beauty.

more images

Is the controversy justified? The models are at least partially covered and as the exhibition is of nudes, relevant to the theme. Art isn't just about painting and sculpture and an exhibit featuring live models might seem a perfectly legitimate piece of modern art.

However, the nude models in the gallery window are clearly not an artwork but a piece of advertising. If the gallery wanted to promote Tracy Keller's exhibition, why not display examples of her work? It would give the public a much more accurate idea of what to expect. This is, of course, a cynical attention grabbing stunt and most who take an interest are unlikely to be art lovers.

The problem for 'family groups' who protest about this kind of exploitation is that their protests are counter productive. Creating a scandal just provides very welcome free publicity.

It certainly worked for Bill Henson.

Laure Manaudou: read my lips

This picture appeared in the Daily Telegraph online edition with the caption:

"France's Laure Manaudou talks to compatriot Esther Baron (L) during a swimming training session at the World Swimming Championships in Melbourne in March, 2007."

The Telegraph seems to be dealing with its transition to an online publication by publishing an increasing number of images of athletes and celebrities which can only be described as soft porn. It may well have been an interesting conversation, but leaves one wondering what they were talking about.

View Telegraph Laure Manaudou gallery

More Telegraph images of Laure Manaudou

Bush thumbs up for beach volleyball women

President George W. Bush temporarily switched roles Saturday from commander-in-chief to cheerleader-in-chief at the Summer Olympics, stopping by to offer support for the American volleyball and softball teams.

He made a surprise visit to the beach volleyball venue, where he watched the U.S. men's and women's teams practice. But it took a little coaxing to get Bush out on the sand court.

source: Reuters

more pictures

Is it just me but does this picture look kind of compromising?

Kind of bummed; beach volleyball bikinis

Ever wondered why female beach volleyball players wear micro-bikinis? Four-time Olympian Natalie Cook has provided a straight answer. While the rules of the sport have changed to make it more pacy for television coverage, 2000 Olympic gold medallist Cook said the bikinis are not about audience eye candy but all about the conditions.

"...we wear a bikini because it is hot out there most of the time,'' Cook, the first female beach volleyballer to go to four Olympic Games, said.

If a woman wants to play under the auspices of the International Volleyball Federation, she better get out her tape measure; women's uniform bottoms have to be two and a half inches wide on the sides. The federation, based in Switzerland, decided the uniforms should be standardized. It says beach volleyball is played on the beach, so swimsuits are in keeping with the sun and fun atmosphere.

Apparently the 'fun atmosphere' only applies to women; male volleyball players are now required to wear shorts that fall a bit above the knee.

"I'm kind of bummed; I like my tights," said the sport's most famous player, Gabrielle Reece, who is known for wearing black Lycra tights rather than a bikini suit while playing.

Despite Natalie Cook's 'straight answer'; I'm still wondering why female beach volleyball players wear micro-bikinis. If this ruling is not simply about providing eye candy for TV cameras, surely male beach volleyball players should be made to wear skimpy bikinis too.